The bachelor grad student experience

Here are some strange things I’ve learned as a bachelor grad student:

    1. It is ok to wear a pre-worn t-shirt to college as long as you have given it the three-day shame wait. If you re-wear something within three days, you are a slob
    2. If I find a potato chip below my bed, it is mine
    3. A day is wasted if has not been visited
    4. Winter is appreciated because food does not spoil no matter how long it stays outside
    5. Bed bugs are not your friends
    6. Maggi is full of nutrients. In fact, it has its own food group: Easily made crap
    7. No matter how filthily a bunch of guys live, we are surprisingly clear about which razor is whose
    8. Study tables are for storing papers; mattresses are for curling up and reading
    9. The frequency of laundry is directly proportional to the level of filth a guy can accumulate and inversely proportional to the distance between home and Laundromat
    10. Doing the old ulta-palti to the underwear once is completely fair. It is even in the Geneva Convention. Doing it twice however, is a grey area and needs to be explored
    11. Getting up at 10 am for a 10:30 lab meeting, showering in under 10 min, and crunching an apple on the way is a perfectly good morning-routine
    12. It is not a coincidence that your cooking turn is on the same day that Papa John’s has a ‘buy one get one free’ offer
    13. It is impossible to dress according to the weather when you live in a basement, hence those embarrassing bundled up moments when the sun is shining after a long hibernation
    14. Whether you’re going to that conference in California or making the big trip to India, packing for more than a half hour makes no sense
    15. Always buy dark bedspreads and sheets to minimize washing: if you can’t see the dirt, it does not exist
    16. A headache does not justify a 911 call. (This one’s for you blondie)
    17. Takeout food is not purchased for taste but for convenience of not cooking and more obscurely because there is no dishwashing involved
    18. Shoveling snow is particularly hard, even though most people I meet seem like they’re extremely handy with shovels
    19. In every department, there is always a guy who looks like he’s buried a few bodies around the campus
    20. There is a fire almost every day in a building with chemistry labs, sometimes more than once. The day we have no fire, we have a fire drill
    21. Almost everyone has a coffee maker in their house with coffee powders of various flavors, yet coffee is invariably purchased on the way to the lab

18 thoughts on “The bachelor grad student experience

  1. That finally went, not to the dumpster but the birthday boy’s hair.

    liberalcynic: respect! The worst I’ve seen on a birthday boy’s head is eggs, toothpaste, atta, maida, shampoo (ironically, someone thought it would be really cool to put shampoo on a guy’s head), and of course, cake.

  2. some of this is gross .. you might be sleeping in the garage next time you visit at least for the first day (quarantine period)..

    liberalcynic: deal!

  3. does 18 mean something else or is it just the crazy perv in me?

    liberalcynic: it meant that most people are shoveling shit all the time.

  4. technically the best bday hair concotion is breaking eggs into a dabba of left over dannon yogurt, and leaving it in the basement for a week.

    the stink reaches, the streets also!

    liberalcynic: am misty-eyed as I say, “it is tireless innovation like this that makes sure that boys will be boys!”

  5. About No. 9: The frequency is also directly proportional to the no. of undies you possess. This, also taking into consideration no. 10. So, imagine, if you had 183 undies, you don’t have to go to the laundry for a whole year!! You can make laundry an annual event with full propaganda!!

    PS: Please excuse the grossness!

    liberalcynic: grossness highly appreciated! Very interesting ideas about laundry and underwear. Strangely enough, underwear recycling innovations are constantly making amendments to your theory!

  6. ya each one has his own cool experiences as grad student, illa? 🙂

    liberalcynic: Very true! I just put up some of mine! The comment section is open to you guys for your input!

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